Christmas and Depression

The reality of living in and with a broken world is that the brokenness hurts a lot sometimes, while other times it is fairly easy to manage. Christmas Eve happens to be one of those nights it hits you pretty hard. When I originally wrote this, one of my siblings prepared for Christmas with her children, while another recovered from a major surgery. Meanwhile, my younger brother sits waiting for Christmas morning, reminiscing on the time that the entire family used to come together in one location and enjoy the holidays. Life’s simpler times seemed to have passed me by.

One of the worst days of my life occurred on Christmas a few years ago. It was painful enough for me to feel no remorse about spending Christmas a few years ago on a tropical island sipping margaritas. After encountering so much pain, it’s sometimes best to simply avoid it, even if you know it exist. 

I don’t write this for sympathy. I write this to give hope for those who experience more pain on Christmas than they do joy. The reasons for this emptiness will vary, but it doesn’t stop the hole from being present. 

The first family was dysfunctional. Adam blamed Eve for his discretion. Cain killed Abel. No family is perfect. God gives us Christ to restore all things that are designed to be illustrative of His perfect love. The family structure is designed to be a microcosm of the eternity that awaits God’s people. As a result, I think that’s why familial issues tend to cut us so deeply. Relationships that are supposed to point us to the Kingdom often make us question the Lord. Just because circumstances aren’t ideal, however, doesn’t mean God has stopped caring about you. I say these things from personal experience. 

While Christmas can be a joyous time of the year for most people, it can bring an inordinate amount of loneliness, guilt and shame for those battling depression. For those who associate Christmas with heartache or pain, I don’t expect these words to make it any easier to manage. Instead, I want you to know that you’re not alone. I don’t even know if that means anything to you, but nonetheless, you should know. And on top of that, you should remember that though your earthly family may be consumed with dysfunction, loss or heartache, there is an eternal family that awaits. It is a family without strife, deceit or divorce. It is perfect. It is whole. 

 I orginially wrote this piece five years ago, and I am thrilled to share that my family and Christmas situation has drastically improved for the better. In hindsight, a key contributor to that improvement was me recognizing my role in the brokenness, while simultaneously no longer blaming myself for those dark holiday experiences.

The truth is that we only get about 80 Christmas mornings. Regardless of the pain of the past and the lingering emptiness, endeavor to make the most of this holiday season – whatever that means to you. You are loved.